Long time coming

It's been a long time between posts, guess a wee bit of that is shame, that I haven't been doing nearly as well as I should have, sure I've lost over 50kg now ... and very proud of that, but still so far to go. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet ... and to be honest, I would really just love to get to double digits, and I still have over 20kg to get there, but I just can't seem to get the push I need to stop shoving crappy unhealthy food into my mouth.
I need to exercise, I need to get back to water aerobics, but I am really ashamed to go back since it's been so long. I feel like a bit of a failure.

The biggest thing to have happened to us in the last 12 months, we finally fell pregnant for the first time, I unfortanuately miscarried at just under 6 weeks, only days after finding out. Our huge cloud 9 was sent shattering in now time. I know my weightloss contributed to that pregnancy, and more weight loss can again increase my chance again ... but far out - even that's not giving me te push at the moment!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrr @ myself!!